Lost and Confused

I have been trying recently to look inward into myself and "rediscover" who I am and what makes me tic. It has been very difficult to say at the very least what I have discovered. I am afraid I have some depression issues surfacing and yet I am not sure why. I have wanted very deeply to create some wonderful friendships but I have come very short in fact probably distancing some that were maybe getting there. I have felt lost and restless and I am sure I have been keeping everybody at a arms length and although I am discovering this it is unintentional. I am so scared of getting hurt I am hurting myself in the process. I write so hopefully it will help however I am not sure that it will. I am very emotional, selfish, introverted, and lost, those are the only things I have found out. I wanted very much to hang out with somebody, anybody that can come close to understanding me but the only person I have tried to reach out to forgot to get back to me. I wish I had a new city to just start over so that I may have a chance. It is hard to make friends for I have found out that I am "weird" I don't like pamper chef parties or any of those parties for that manner I love motorcycles and sports. I am just trying to find a place where I belong and it is very difficult. I feel like all is lost and now I don't think I will have a second chance. I have been supported from some but then they just helped out monetary and they could care less about emotional support so then I just feel like a charity case and that makes it more awkward. I am also not sure if I could handle a "new found" friendship after someone happened to read this which I really hope they don't this is for me and me alone. I am so hurt and realized I can't get over the non support of anybody except for 1 person when poor Zach was in the hospital no calls, no visits, no help I mean only one friend visited us and I was soo hurt from that. I got over nobody coming to things like my baby shower, or an invite to hang out but when my child almost died and there was no support I don't think I could get over that which is why I distance myself and don't really want to make any more effort. I do feel a little better now but I also wish I had some friends like me but I know that there is no way I could anymore.