Lost and Confused

I have been trying recently to look inward into myself and "rediscover" who I am and what makes me tic. It has been very difficult to say at the very least what I have discovered. I am afraid I have some depression issues surfacing and yet I am not sure why. I have wanted very deeply to create some wonderful friendships but I have come very short in fact probably distancing some that were maybe getting there. I have felt lost and restless and I am sure I have been keeping everybody at a arms length and although I am discovering this it is unintentional. I am so scared of getting hurt I am hurting myself in the process. I write so hopefully it will help however I am not sure that it will. I am very emotional, selfish, introverted, and lost, those are the only things I have found out. I wanted very much to hang out with somebody, anybody that can come close to understanding me but the only person I have tried to reach out to forgot to get back to me. I wish I had a new city to just start over so that I may have a chance. It is hard to make friends for I have found out that I am "weird" I don't like pamper chef parties or any of those parties for that manner I love motorcycles and sports. I am just trying to find a place where I belong and it is very difficult. I feel like all is lost and now I don't think I will have a second chance. I have been supported from some but then they just helped out monetary and they could care less about emotional support so then I just feel like a charity case and that makes it more awkward. I am also not sure if I could handle a "new found" friendship after someone happened to read this which I really hope they don't this is for me and me alone. I am so hurt and realized I can't get over the non support of anybody except for 1 person when poor Zach was in the hospital no calls, no visits, no help I mean only one friend visited us and I was soo hurt from that. I got over nobody coming to things like my baby shower, or an invite to hang out but when my child almost died and there was no support I don't think I could get over that which is why I distance myself and don't really want to make any more effort. I do feel a little better now but I also wish I had some friends like me but I know that there is no way I could anymore.

A long anticipated weekend!

So this is an exciting time for me and the family. My parents are coming to visit and it has been a good while since I have seen them last. The beginning of the weekend Zachary learned how to crawl and he is soo pround of himself. We are also planning a cookout, shopping, easter egg hunting and just catching up. I have also tried reaching out to people for much needed friendships and not succesful yet but I hope to forge the relationships soon and I am hopeful. Easter to me is a reflective time on years past and future years and never will Gods Love waver for me and for that not only am I celebritory but thankful , because no matter what happens in my life whether its friends, or family God will ALWAYS be there for me and that makes me feel like there is something worth living for. I pray this week for myself and not to be discouraged but to be thankful for my family and my job and for my future friendships because I know that GOD will send me some much needed Christian friends.

God bless and Happy Easter!

Someone help me with this Blog

Ok so I am trying to figure this blog thing out because I realized I will not be in any loop without doing so. So with that said somebody help me out PLEASE!